2 weeks

Here I am, after the roller-coaster ride and long anticipation. A brand new environment, a new level of study, new groups of people. I’ve heard many stories about university life but still I feel nervous and excited as now I’m going to get first-hand experience. I am welcome by the trees, grass and lake as I step into the campus. Not bad huh, at least not concrete forest all around =)

            As I walk around campus, I can hear so many different languages being spoken. The diversity here is large. And, I learn not to simply assume people are locals. They can come from Vietnam, Sri Lanka or Indonesia yet made me think that they are Malaysians until I hear them speak. Good thing I start the conversations in English otherwise there will be awkward moments, pheww. 

            Life in uni is really different. You have to search for information, it won’t come to you. You need to have thick face, not afraid to ask questions even if you think it’s silly. Classes are not just 20-30 people but can go up to 100. You can’t wait for people to say hi first to make friends. Timetable is flexible, things can just pop out and mess up your plan. You are expected to have all the basic information about uni as soon as you are here, being new is not an excuse. You want to join activities, you need to volunteer yourself and act fast. Offers don’t come to you automatically and it slips away pretty fast. You can find yourself alone walking to class, eating or walking back to room at times. 

            That day I’m walking to class alone trying to figure out which direction to take and I find myself missing the life in college so much. I miss walking with friends while we talk about some random stuff, laugh and I just have to follow them, no need to worry about directions hehe. 

下雨

淅沥沥的雨声
为大自然的交响曲掀开序幕
小草脱去尘衣 绿得发亮
风儿翩翩起舞 树木随着跳起了华尔滋
锌板水泥地 玻璃挡风镜
默契十足地合奏着
彩虹压轴登场 完美谢幕
虫虫合唱团 办起了庆祝会
歌唱着清新的空气 湿润的泥土
还有那美丽的风景

      下雨天，躲在温暖的被窝里读一本好书，听着窗外隆隆的雨声，进入另一个世界探险，这样的小确幸让我快乐地享受着。

勇气

终于作了这个决定   

别人怎么说我不理

只要你们给我的肯定

我拥有 无限支持和爱虽然   

我知道 一切不容易

我的心 一直温习说服自己  

不能够轻易说要放弃

我现在需要勇气   

来面对茫然怀疑

只要有一句加油鼓励   

我就能坚持下去

我真的需要勇气   

去相信未来奇迹

再累再苦我也会努力   

放在我手心里 你的真心

      偶然间听到这首歌，当下就把自己的感受融进歌词里。

对，这就是我现在的心情写照。

Confused

Because I do not know how to describe it. Sad, idea-less, relief, pressured, stress, moving on, believing… It’s all mixed up. 

            Every results day there are people who are happy and disappointed. For three times I’ve been in the group that feels happy. This time, the very first time, I’m disappointed. I do not make it to fulfill the requirements. I stare long at the screen wondering if this is real, my brain takes longer time to interpret what I’ve seen. Sadness filled me and I have no idea what is the next step I need to take. 

            Yes, I’m scared. Scared to read the posts on facebook. Scared to answer the questions from others. Scared to see the disappointing faces from whom I love. Scared to tell the bad news. I don’t want to worry others, to spoil their celebration mood. I feel happy for those who did well but my heart is sour at the same time I congratulate them. Now I understand how it really feels like to be falling. 

            To my surprise, I gather my strength and manage to stand up, get ready in position faster than I thought. Enough of emo moments. I know I have to face this no matter what. I know I need the strength and courage to move on. I need directions about where is the next step I should take. And, I am not alone. My parents did not blame me but giving me great support which calmed me down a lot. My friends, I can’t tell how grateful I am, they listen to me patiently when my thoughts are messed up. They give me encouragement, advice and help. I know they might be clueless as me but they are trying their best to help, indeed they have helped me a lot. 

            Do I regret for not working harder to get better results? No, I gave my best. I thank God for everything. The past two years I have gained so much more besides knowledge. Friendship, leadership, confidence, being sensitive to people’s needs, to love and care for someone you are reluctant to do so, challenge myself to another level, to forgive, enlarge my heart… I’ve learnt and grown so much that today I am stronger to go through the hard times. 

            I am praying and believing for the best to come. I surrender to Him and let Him leads the way. Yet, it is not going to be easy. Many questions waiting to be answered. I find myself in dilemmas. The suspense is torturing. There are times I wake up and hope that it’s just a nightmare and everything will be back to normal. For those of you who care and worry about me, I am okay, no worries. =) I will keep you updated. I promise, to myself and you, I will stand strong no matter how things turn out to be.

Exams

纸和笔开战了
空白的纸如今佈满密密麻麻的问题
重重障碍加上精致队形
拒绝让笔直捣黄龙
笔带着必胜的决心勇往直前
就算剥皮流血
绞尽脑汁也要拼到最后方可罢休

“Two months? I’m gonna be crazy then, impossible to survive!” 

            That’s how I reacted when I first heard that A-level exams have a span of two months, I can’t help it. SPM was about one month, I was at home comfortably doing my preparation and when it’s over, I already felt exhausted. For this time, I won’t be at home but at a not-so-comfortable place where healthy, satisfying food is hard to get and it can be hard to get asleep with the hot weather and mosquitoes. Am I able to concentrate on studies without falling sick in these two months? 

            Human adaptation to environment is so strong that it proves me wrong. Coming into sem 4, those environment factors aren’t such a big deal anymore, our lifestyle is well adapted. Partly because our sensory receptors are numbed after all this while, I think. The biggest challenge is to keep ourselves motivated. It’s hard when the actual days you have papers are only 16 days, leaving 1.5 month blank, the waiting is torturing. Initially we’re happy to have sufficient time for revision but we realize that it’s more than enough which it actually strips away our motivation, makes you feel bored to dig in the books again. 

            I think I’m emotionless in the first week of exams itself. I don’t feel happy, worry or nervous at all. This continues until a picture comes into my mind showing me that I’m not alone in this battle, I have many behind me. The support and encouragement from my family, seniors, juniors, teachers, homies, colleagues and friends have kept me going. I manage to overcome these two months better than I thought and to my surprise, I didn’t fall sick. Thank YOU, for being there, for being part of my life, and I thank God for His blessings!

SY+YX & SX+SY

“You wanna be my roommate?” That’s how our story started. 

You are the first person I met in Cemara. 当时的我心里七上八下，对于住宿生活一点概念都没有，更不用说会想到要找室友。心里想着既来之，则安之，但我很庆幸能够遇见你。长达一个星期的新生欢迎会把我们的时间占得满满，甚少有机会能好好聊上一次。每天的谈话内容多数是问题和答案，若是有空我们都被疲倦和想家的感觉侵袭。一起生活的两个人在一个星期后才真正认识彼此，现在回想起来还真不可思议。（哈！）

            晓娴和淑咏是你朋友的朋友，我是透过你才会认识她们。大家第一次见面都挺聊得来的，就这样我们成了makan-mates。The chemistry that worked between us has made our bond formation fast and strong. Others have been wondering how four of us can become so close to each other. Are we classmates, housemates or old friends? Nope, we’re not but somehow we felt like we’re long-lost friends.  

            The journey that we went through is just so crazy and wonderful that when we turn and look back, it amazed us as well. 还记得当初那个青涩、面对学长姐战战兢兢的自己吗？那是我们都不太想回顾的画面啊！但当我翻看照片时才惊觉我们一起在两年里成长了那么多。曾经我们是那么的“奉公守法”，不敢越雷池一步。我们对周遭的嘛嘛档、小吃、夜市有着很高的兴致，今天去这明天去那。一起说着家乡的菜肴有多好吃，怀念家的感觉。结伴到巴生、首邦市去逛逛，找好吃的，摸索着公共交通的路线。一起调适生活习惯、学业和休闲的平衡，一起倒数假期来临。

            到了第二学期，我们已摸透了这里的环境，和学长姐的距离也拉近了许多。我们联合起来反驳学长的话，揶揄他们，甚至有时让他们招架不住。（小妮子胆子大了ha!）Shiau Xian and Shu Yoong became CA’s committee and both of us joined IJCC. Our schedule was different but still we kept each other updated. It was our seniors’ last sem and we wanted to dig out their secrets. We enjoyed the process as we looked at their facial expressions and response. 

            After one year, juniors came and it’s our turn to welcome and guide them as what our seniors did to us. Juniors are so cute (hehe...) and maybe this was exactly how our seniors felt when they said we’re cute last time. Each of us was busy and had our separate activities but we always meet up for meals (still in our makan-gang XD). We got each other’s news first-handed.   

            We created loads of memories in INTEC. 当某个片段浮现时，我对着自己发笑，一切还仿如昨天。I have lost count on how many surprise birthday parties we’ve thrown but I remembered the satisfaction when we saw the smiles on the birthday babes. We’ve been in many “last CAs” and wishing different batches all the best for their studies in overseas. We tricked juniors to believe our story about Shu Yoong’s identity XP.  We went to church camp and CG outings where we relaxed, learnt and had lots of fun despite our busy schedule. 

            There are many more on the list:

•  How blur we were when we started serving in Homes, asking each other’s opinion but we didn’t have the answer
• We celebrated 中秋节 without our families, eating mooncake brought from home under the full moon
• We asked where to eat, looking at each other and waiting for someone to answer it. It’s just too hard to decide  ^.^
• We had movie nights, 一起随着主角高兴、伤心、紧张. 我们会因圆满结局替他们开心尖叫，为他们的遗憾扼腕叹息
• Story-telling sessions when we exchanged our stories or secrets. And also girls’ talk initiated by Shu Yoong
• Thinking of ways to cheer up each other during emo moments
• Heart to heart talk that could last for more than 2 hours. We found out how similar we are in perspective when we looked at situations
• 偶尔会望着天空欣赏大自然的美丽风景，或静静坐着任由思绪飘远
• Contented eating the food we cooked. Sometimes, the outcome was not as nice as expected (the potatoes XD)
• We even imagined the picture of Shiau Xian and Shu Yoong with their husbands in wedding, saying that we MUST be invited (hahahaa...) 
• Learnt the word ただいま and I miss hearing that (is the word right?)
• We communicate without words by eye contact and body language. 即使是一个眼神，我们也会明白对方心里在想什么...

I didn’t really feel that you girls are leaving until Shiau Xian left (she’s the last who left). I went back to my room and felt so empty. So, I decided to watch movie to entertain myself but the sad part made me cry (I didn’t cry when I watched it before this). I started to miss you all already and that night I’m emo-ing in my room-- not so normal for me to emo eh ;) 

我们很难能够找到和自己默契那么好的知心朋友。Therefore, I really thank God for placing us together in INTEC. I wish you girls all the best in everything you do and let us 加油together to strive for success. Our story definitely will not stop here and we’ll continue to add in more colors until we have nothing to add but old folk’s stories. God bless! XD